Whether you’re a single or married man it’s important to understand what it looks like to ask out a girl like a gentleman. Over the years I have been watching this gentlemanly process slowly fall apart. Gentlemen, we need to bring back some powerful “old school” ways when it comes to relationships. So if you’re single or married the following information can be used when giving advice or for your personal desires.
Guys let’s keep in mind the importance of “class” when it comes to asking a girl out. Maybe bashing a girl over the head with a club and dragging her to your cave was appropriate back in the day, but times have obviously changed. We are men, not barbarians. Sadly, we recognize that we are men, but we still act like barbarians when approaching and dating women. Stop it! Seriously stop it. It’s not sexy or attractive. This is why we have compiled 5 Steps to Asking a Girl Out Like a Gentleman.
step one: realize that chivalry is not dead.
The dictionary gives us a definition of chivalry as a gallant or distinguished gentlemen. Chivalry is what sets the boys apart from the men. Ladies want to date men…not boys. Guys if you want to date a woman the first place to start is not by asking her on a date. Most of us as men think that this is where the “date” begins, but it doesn’t.
Dating a woman starts with being chivalrous in our actions before we even ask her out on a date. Our actions speak louder than our words. Ladies have heard it all. Most women cannot trust our words because those who have gone before us have ruined it for the rest. Demonstrating chivalry to a woman on a consistent basis is what builds trust between you and her.
Examples of chivalry would be to give her your seat, open doors for her, walk on the outside when you two are on the sidewalk, introduce her to people, pick up items that she drops or walk her to the door. This is just the beginning. Keep in mind all of this begins before you have even asked her on a date. The problem with today’s mentality is we have an agenda. “If I do this for you, what will you give me in return.” Wrong! This is what breaks trust guys. One final note gentlemen. Stop being cheap and pay for everything. I talk to so many women who always pay for everything. Stop it! I will punch you (Obviously I’m joking)! Be a man and pay for things.
step two: be intentional with your actions.
Dating a woman is not a game. It’s not the same as going to the store, looking at all the produce and deciding which one looks great, but if you don’t like it you can toss it. Unfortunately, many lines have been blurred over the years when it comes to relationships and dating. The first step you need to take is to define if you’re going to be her “bro” or her man. This line needs to be defined upfront. Do you want to be this girl’s “big brother” or do you want to be her man who takes care of her and provides for her?
The second step one should take when being intentional is to stop crossing the line with weird sexual texting. Look I understand you’re a guy and you have “needs,” but seriously stop doing this. Women desire sex and to be wanted sexually, but this shouldn’t be happening before you ask her out on a date. In a nutshell you’re declaring your hidden agenda to her (Which actually works in her favor).
Thirdly, if you’re “friends with benefits” don’t bother dating each other. You have already complicated and made matters worse between you two. Trying to enter into a relationship based on this foundation will only make matters worse between you two. Fourth, stop being sarcastic about everything and everyone. Sarcasm is not flirtatious or attractive. Think of it this way. If you talk that way about everyone else, what will you tell others about the girl you want to date. Be intentional with your actions even before you ask her out.
step three: ask her directly.
Do you remember those little notes in grade school. You would either write one or receive one that looked like this…
We laugh when we see those, but the truth is we still do the same thing today. We just use different methods. The most powerful and meaning way to ask a girl out is by asking her directly. Don’t make the mistake of asking her on a date through her best friend. Be a gentleman, not a boy.
Second, stop asking her through text messaging. The whole reason for text messaging is for quick conversations, not asking her on a date. It is so impersonal and you cannot read the tone of the text. Also stay away from using social media like Facebook or Twitter. It’s not romantic guys. A gentleman will always ask the woman to her face. Finally, asking a girl out on a date is not an invitation for a one-night stand. If that’s your mentality, then don’t bother asking her out. You’re simply wasting her time and she deserves better.
step Four: simplicity always trumps extravagance.
So many times we believe the myth that “bigger is better.” Well not in every scenario. Asking a girl on a date needs to remain simple. Don’t complicate it. Before you even ask her on a date, know exactly what you want to do, but keep it simple.
Think through where you would like to take her and then include that in the conversation. For example this is not the way you want the conversation to go. “Hi. I was wondering if you’d like to go on date sometime and go do something together?” I guarantee you she will say “No.” Who wants to go on a date with a possible serial killer?! The woman wants to know that she will be safe and secure with you and that there is a purpose.
Try something like this: “Hi. I thought maybe you and I could go grab a cup of coffee at Starbucks and then head to the docks by the bay one night next week?” Notice there is a destination, a purpose, and security for her. Remember you can be creative, but keep it simple. Please refrain from buying her a gift or flowers on the first date. Save those elements for later on in the relationship. Keep in mind you know each other, but the purpose of this date is to get to know each other a little deeper. Don’t force the romance, allow it to slowly grow.
step five: prepare yourself for rejection.
Let’s be honest none of us are God’s gift to women. No matter who we are we will all face the rejection of a woman at some point in our lives. When this happens we have a two choices. The first choice we have is to pout or sulk and ignore the rejection we’ve been dealt. Choice two is to remain humble, but confident that we will have other opportunities ahead.
How we handle the rejection will speak highly of our character. No man wants a woman to see him in a raging fit and acting like a toddler. Embrace the humbling process and don’t make a fool of yourself. Be a man that she will always think of in a great way.
Gentlemen the reality is you have to be adventurous. Keep things simple, intentional, and don’t over think these steps. If it doesn’t work out, don’t quit and remember how to properly respond. Enjoy the journey guys. Thank you again for your support. We would love to hear from you on this subject. Which of the five steps are you struggling with? Did we miss anything?